One of the things I adore about the jumpsuit is how it acts like a 2-in-1; the wonder clothing item that gives the illusion of a stylish top and bottom combo. It's an easy, chic look! Just add heels and jewelry and you are good to go. I always talk about adding accessories, but with the jumpsuit you can really get away with minimum add-ons. It's a pant outfit but as sexy as a dress!
However, there's one thing I ALWAYS forget that sucks about the jumpsuit, and I always figure it out when it's too late to do anything about it. This time it all came crumbling down in this bad yet hilarious way. Let me tell you my story which is kinda long but stay with me...
As I got off the train to Chicago, I stopped to use the restroom. It doesn't matter if I withhold liquids and empty my bladder one minute before the train departs, I guarantee that as soon as I arrive my destination, I will have to pee like I've been holding it all day. So I was in line (there's always a frickin' line!!). A stall opened and I hurried on in. As I closed the door, I realized the lock is broken. Ok, fine. I would hold the door as I do my business. Since there is no hook on the door, I had to use that flip-up shelf that never really quite stays down no matter how much crap you put on it. Seriously! I had a huge-ass purse with my mom cam in it and a jacket (because you still can't go anywhere in Chicago without a jacket), and the shelf STILL DOESN'T STAY DOWN. So, ok, I had to hold both the door and the goddamn shelf. I proceeded realizing, "Shit! I'm wearing a frickin' jumpsuit!" Unlike a dress, I could not just flip it up and pee. And unlike pants, I could not just unzipper from the waist down. No, I had to pretty much get naked to pee. Now remember, I was in a public restroom and I'm a germaphobe so no way was my jumpsuit going on the bathroom floor. I unzipped my jumpsuit and the door went flying open and I was exposed for all to see me in my bra and underpants. Then I had to hover the toilet holding my jumpsuit in between my knees so it didn't fall to the ground. Shall I continue? Some TMI here (too late)... of course I have to wipe. Thank God it was just pee! I can't even tell you what I did but I'm sure about 3 ladies witnessed the best show they have ever seen in a bathroom. I'm not finished... I had to zip back up. I learned a little from my unzipping experience so I decided to use my elbow to hold the door, my knee to hold the shelf and twisted in every position to get the pain in the ass zipper back up. As I struggled, my phone fell out of my purse and it was about an inch away from going into the toilet- phew! I finally get out of the stall and a lady waiting in line says to me, "Cute jumpsuit!". I almost punched her.
Note to self: Think about when and wear I will be wearing a jumpsuit. Perhaps for my book club group where I'm in a clean home and not drinking or eating anything to promote bathroom activity. Because you know, there is no eating or drinking at book club- NOT! Maybe I'll just sit around my house in a jumpsuit and do some laundry? Or how about while driving the kids to soccer practice?
Those are all practical situations, but I think I'm just gonna have to suck it up and continue to have more bathroom adventures while wearing my jumpsuit in public. That's how much I love you, jumpsuit. Oh and also remember to wear a thong. I hate wearing thongs, but that is a must or you could look like this.
Yep, same night. I wasn't thinking and wore lacy underpants under the jumpsuit. I'm an idiot. Butts cling onto jumpsuits so wear the thong th-thong thong thong!
Hopefully you are not too deterred from wearing a jumpsuit. They are super stylish and comfortable and make for great storytelling. Have any stories of your own? Please do share!
xo,
Deb
